A reminder to living life, the way we want it.

I had an awesome weekend, re-charged for the week. It was just doing simple things, including meet-up with study fellows in jc, going to botanic garden, sushi dinner, and stay home sunday. It is nice just like this. :)
Thanks for doing all the crazy actions with me.
I finally have got a proper jump shot photo! yay! :D


未你

It doesn't feel like May.

With May almost over, it really doesn't feel like May. Mayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Maybe I'll wake up feeling better. :)

Do you think that it's not important or do you think i wouldn't mind?

Still, work is the main source of unhappiness. And the problem is with me, not the work, not my life, not anything else. I have been having a very bad temper lately. this is not good.

I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me.

未你

Need to love myself more.

And so, another five months (almost) has passed. I shall sum up my thoughts.

It's yet another crappiest semester ever. This time, its not about study and work; it's about work and projects. These are projects that have deprived me of my energy. I am hopeless when it comes to individual projects, because I often forget to check on the requirements properly. I also often have problems understanding what the question requires and researching on the relevant materials. And no, I still feel like the outlier, the odd one, and this feeling certainly did not help me. After a long day at work, especially at the sse-place, I feel so drained. And I have bad time management, I spent my precious time on meaningless activities and thats something I ought to change. I kept feeling all the negative feelings, towards school, work and people around me. And then I finally realised its me that should change. I should change my attitude and things will be fine.

AHH. One more sem to go before I graduate. I have mixed feelings towards graduation. Graduating means I'll have to:
1) Decide on my route
2) Provide for my own expenses and contribute more to household
3) Grow up

I am clueless sometimes, on how I should behave. I'm not used to office politics, back-stabbers, people who do not practise what they preach. On a side-note, I hate spoilt brats. They should be locked up until they know how to behave. lol. Fine, this is too extreme, but I enjoy the very thought of not needing to put up with them.

BF (best friends) are awesome. :)
1) I am glad to have discoved the telepathy between friends. Well, maybe it isn't exactly telepathy, it's sensitivity. Friends who will clarify any unhappiness, and are concerned with another's feelings. I was hurt initially because of some actions of this bf of mine. I was typing a very long sms to him and was pondering whether or not to send it out because I think that friends should really understand each other and not pick on each others weaknesses, especially when it comes to setting our own priorities. Before I could decide, he called. We talked about it and I felt much better after that. And then I was reminded of why he is my best friend despite us not being able to meet often, because he's a very nice friend.

2) I feel so pampered by the pink package and card. And when I asked why she treats me her bestie, she gave me reasons. Silly me, yes, but I am glad I asked. hahahahahahaha. :)

I had a k-singing session and we sang our hearts out. Enjoyed it. Singing songs makes one happy! Thankful for the treat and the meal that I would otherwise have not tried. :)

AND I JUST HEARD A NEWS that i shouldn't spread but i'm so happy for I-know-who. A group of us had a "htht" (which should be named a gossip session rather) but i'm so so so irritated that it kept side-tracked with so little conversed. argh. Anyway, (the only "moral of the story" I was reminded of was) when I commented about a friend's 9-months relationship being in honeymoon stage, he said no, it's in comfortable stage. That's the word alright. Comfortable. Sm and I still have disagreements (more than I think we should have. lol.) but yes, I feel comfortable with him. bleh. I dont know what the future holds though, but I really hope we'll last forever.

Next up, meet-ups and some time for myself. :) I think I had a very long shower today (eh. maybe 45mins or one hour?) and felt refreshed. I. need. to. love. myself. more.

Long week ahead and fight fight fight. This monday and friday are gonna be the worst.

未你

Live with it.

Heard this mind-boggling phrase from k today. Live with it.
Gosh. I need to do some thinking on this. stay or leave.


未你

想想想

我决定应该偶尔用华文来练习汉语拼音。:)
好多事情该去办，但自己还是沉浸在刚考完试的感里。
Hehe haha hoho. :)

未你

好喜欢这种读书的感觉

Although I know I have not made significantly more progress than what I normally study, I am really happy about these two days. It was a simple routine of study, eat, study, eat, study, sleep. I can be able to temporary escape from my workload and all the nonsense office politics. I wont feel left out. And in fact I was very entertained. It's that comfortable feeling you get with your friends. I dont need to think so much, other than studying, eating and sleeping. okay, added with maybe some short naps in between. heh. and blog reading. hahaha. xx's blog really kept me entertained.

Guys, are simple yet complicated.
They are generally nicer than girls (yeah, me included. i think i'm evil), and also towards girls.
But I dont understand some guys sometimes though, especially when they keep things to themselves.

I dont have the feeling of regret. It is more like a feeling of pity, that i'm not in local university. On the other hand, I know I have learnt so much more and kind of by chance, studied something I like (yeah, i like to study accounting but i dont really enjoy the work. maybe because i am still unclear about so many things. rarr. and esp when things are so messed up).

How I wish days like this never end. :)

Surprisingly, I saw my tkd senior who is in uol program there! Everyone (okay, other than the nus people) is in their exam period. It is damn scary when you see library at 9am almost full. I had to crawl out of bed and I wonder if they do that too. okay, on second thought, i think i'm the lazy one. Everybody else probably waits at the library entrance and dashes in as soon as they can. eh. It opens at 8.30am if i'm not mistaken.

And okay, I had some self-evaluation and concluded that my thoughts were of a spoilt brat. I am glad i still have youuuuuuuuu. Sorry for throwing a tamtrum. And I thank whoever is up there to give me my friends. I'm really fortunate to have the friends I have. Sm included. :)

Yay! And so I have an evening before I start my work on tues. weeeee~ a date with gf.

未你

Miss the mugging times. 想念与错过。

Disappointed.

Ok. Shall catch up on my mugging.

On a side note, I really miss being a full time student. It felt like I have been a student for the whole of my life, and never been working. Haa. I have been dreaming I think :)

未你

Positive motivation!

OMG. I just realized all my blog entries are so negative. Cannot be so negative! Shall look forward to all the meet ups with friends and presents. Wahahaha! :) and hopefully, a short getaway :) so now, focus. Haa. :)

I'm POSITIVE FISH ^.^v

Love mum-cooked food.

未你

Tmdwtf.

Okay, it just so happened that the letters of something that I am supposed to memorize make up to the title mentioned. And yes, my feelings exactly. I felt rotten feelings in the evening yesterday for no good reason, and my mind had to generate some distractions, leading to my mood swing since yesterday.

Sore throat and cough came. Not particular bad though, fortunately, just had to keep drinking water.

And I realized how cruel life can be. Everyone (me included) being fake, untrue and hiding what we think, in order to build and maintain relationships.

I have a craving for frog porridge. Ahhhhhhhhh.
And sushi.
And soy beancurd.

我想躺在绿色的草原上，
或沙滩上，
眼看着云朵飘过，
风吹着树叶，
多好啊。


Thank you for tolerating all my nonsense, thank you. :) get well soon to both of us.

未你

Emo quotes.

I just read a blog from a person I don't know with many quotes that are so sad but so true. They are about love(bgr) and love(friends). So sad but so true. Eww. Who's fake and who's real, if there are any at all? In mind vs in appearance. Shall start studying now :)
-"eletheowl"

未你

A day at I-know-where

I was wondering what friends are for. And what's e point sometimes.

Anyway, I'm feeling tired. Must be the notes x.x

Focus jy, focus!!!

未你

Monday not blues.

Tired but fruitful day, put a (temporary) stop to work.

Understudy is better, faster, clearer than me. I'm really feeling sad now that he is leaving :( well, he got his strengths n I have got mine. Should I stay or should I go? Tired of this feeling, this s&e combination.

Thank you uncle k, :) oh, I actually miss studying with u :) yay! Gonna meet u tmr.

I want to go out into the sunshine, greenery, seaside to breathe! Soon, soon, I hope. Wants to go bukit timah/ fort canning/ pular ubin, or all of them. And I am still brainstorming for more places to go :)

And I saw a friend's very pretty cake. I want. Lol. Lalala~

未你

好人坏人，男人女人。

Badly needed to get this off my chest to start on my report.

如果毒男/女人能得到他/她想要的东西，那我们为何不都变成坏人？

做坏人的好处：
*不需担心人家的感受
*能随心做自己想做的事
*别人会因为怕他而不敢得罪他
*（many many more）

做坏人的坏处：
*良心过意不去

okay, my argument may be loop-sided. but u get my point.


未你

What are words, if they don't mean it.

My latest laptop wallpaper. needed a pat on my shoulder. needed to remind myself that i can be strong. needed some many more encouragements that i have no idea who much is enough. but this simple wallpaper is enough, for now. i can, i believe.

it's difficult to hide my feelings, and i have kept them hiden for a very long time now. there's no way i can solve it. i can only just let u be. but there are also times that i feel tired, that i feel alone as the minority. the outcast. meifutongxiangyounantongdang. i feared that one day i will say something wrong, something irreversible. and i know it's in me that i do not know how to phrase my words properly. thus i chose not to say anything, and just let u be. i shall preserve.
why did u say things when u cant do it. that cold words hit me. so do u mean u lied or that circumstances has changed, over this short period of time? it's okay. i'll be okay, and strong.

未你

Something happy.

We went for frog porridge! wee~ I have been craving for it since sunday.

Okay, the rest of this week should still be manageable. but I need to start thinking about work distribution in april because of study leave which I will be asking for. And I woke up late today! Woke up at 9.30 and totally missed my alarm. =/ rushed out. fortunately the boss and lady boss went out. and understudy is really really leaving. :( and temp is becoming perm.

Always look on the bright side of life! ;)

未你

It's the time of the semester.

Yes, this period of time is terrible. Projects to hand in and there's work to juggle with. nearing the end of the lessons of this sem already. next thing is to plan well on what to study. dont be a fool like last semester to have forgotten to study previous semester question and did badly.

And understudy is leaving :( eww. i was wondering if it is any fault of mine that he is leaving. I didn't do anything bad. maybe he thinks i'm bossy? =/ but i dont think so right. =// aiyayaya. he has been a good helper. Actually my guess is that he's not happy with the remmunation plan, thus he mentioned abt that he found another better job. most people wont start a new job one month before final examination right. so, i dont know. i'll see him on tues. i dont know whether i should ask him for the reason. aiyo. and i suspect that auntie may have something to do with it. but, it's only a guess. all my guess only.

yeahyeah, so hang in there! :)


未你

Another breather.

We had sushi for dinner because I had that craving last night. I seems to have more food craving when i'm under stress and it feels good to satisfy them. (on a side note, i think i have put on weight =/ . swimming tmr!)

I haven't had this feeling of full for a very very long time. The feeling of satisfaction, comfort, happiness because I have enjoyed my food, without having to think about the things I have to complete by the dateline. phew. shall hang in there and jia you! :)

PS: K talked to me about my work performance and about under-study. yes, i have to be more diligent in my work. okay, another resolution. (with so many resolutions, i dont know how many i can remember and achieve. tired sometimes. and not that diligent. =x )

未你

Amazing feeling with friends.

Love you girls and time flies when I'm with the two of you <3 thanks for every encouragement, for listening and sharing with me what's happening in your life. I'm grateful to have simple and nice bestie like you two. For us, 加油加油加油! till the next time we meet :)

Another new resolution: Complain/grumble less :)

(I have decided that I should change the title because it is nicer to have nice titles reminding myself to be grateful of what i have)
未你

One cannot have the best of both worlds

Something that I heard today inspired on this thought (just like in the movie Inception, the idea that is planted is stronger when one "generate"(can't remember the word they used) his own idea.)

I shouldn't expect you to be perfect, because I am not perfect as well.

Right now, I'm just glad that I have you. :)
Thanks for loving me, more than how little I used to love myself.
The next step is probably to take a step back each and not have conflict so often.
Thanks for being you and holding on to your values. :)

OKAY! Some random stuff that triggered my thoughts:
> I came up with a nickname for I-know-who. It's stupid-s. He is totally a back-stabber! Lies about everything. I gotta be careful of him.
> Because of my recent encounter, I realised that guys can be so complicated! omg. I never realised it because sm and kg, my best friend are simple kind of guys.
> The woman in J-family are all fierce. lol. I wonder how the guys can stand it.
> Networking is important.
> My course does not automatically comes with C P A (aust) :( [or so, i heard. i haven't research on it and my intended path after graduation]
> This sem is left with 2 more months (this is my second last sem) oh no! I'm not at all ready! (self-note: keep my long hair for graduation photo. lol! vain me =P)
> I am so glad that the under-study has joined has to help me! He's super fast when it comes to data-entry and he's hardworking (something I should learn from him)
> We need something to cling on to when life gets tough. It helps, very much, very very much.

Saw this plant outside the window of a bus last year at a time when I was really stressed with working and studying. I find it amazing that plants have this kind of strength to live. We should learn to be strong. :)

未你

I just need to grumble.

Nobody can help me, if I don't help myself.
It's terrible to work and study at the same time. Because work can give crap and as time goes by, I forget that I still have my school. And it's discouraging when I tell people I'm studying accounting, and the next thing they ask is "ACCA?" I'll say "no", and the next thing they will ask (for sure) is "why not?"

It's because I didn't know what I want at that time and I feel unsecured in studying that. On top of that, I have no friends who have graduated from jc who went to a school that is not nus/ntu/smu/sim. Thus I was afraid to try it on my own. Oh, and I hope there will be a day when people won't give the response "oh, such a pity (you didn't get into local uni/ what happened why didn't u go local uni)". Full-time work and study is also difficult okay.

Okay, enough of grumbling, need to study.

Jia you jia yu! For a better future. 不经一番寒刺骨，哪得梅花扑鼻香。

未你